Things my 3/4 year old says

It’s impossible to write down all the crazy things a 3/4 year old says, although it’s not always cute and endearing. The other morning, Max threw a tantrum because his toast was too cold (giant eye roll). Four year olds are what I imagine super rich people to be like. Anyways, he threw his toast on the floor, Zoe picked it up (because that’s where she prefers her food from) and Max yells “Zoe, go back to the hospital!”. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I’ll miss the days when “go back to the hospital” is the meanest thing he can think of. Here are some of my favorite things Max has said lately.

Daddy go shower, but don’t wash your whole body because that takes too long.

Scrumptious. That’s a big word, not everyone knows it.

I’m not going to take a bath with Zoe today. Her legs are just too big.

(At the Nature Center) Mommy go back over there and learn. I already know about the creatures of the river.

I need some tunes while I sleep.

(Me shaking a snack cup for Zoe) Oh, you don’t need to shake that. Zoe will just walk to it.

Max: (At Target) Mommy, wait! Owlette and Gekko are in a cage because Romeo is a bad guy. But we put Zoe in a cage. We are bad guys (said with extreme excitement)!
Me: Wait, wait. We don’t put Zoe in a cage.
Max: Yes we do. She sleeps in a cage everyday. See I’m right.

Max: (Coughs)
Me: Max, cover your mouth. Max: But when I cover my mouth it doesn’t make me feel any better.

Max: (At Target) I don’t think I’m on Santa’s list.
Me: Why not?
Max: He doesn’t know me. \

(At the Children’s museum on a crowded day) Mommy, let’s split up. You go that way and I’ll go this way.

Do 4 year olds still have to go to sleep?

(Zoe crying in the car) Mommy can you turn on Baby Bum for Zoe so we can talk. I know you love to talk and Daddy’s not here.

(Zoe falls) Zoe, you’re okay because your bottom is soft.

(In the car) Hey Daddy, if you turn off this song and play PJ Masks, I will play with my PJ Masks HQ. (His negotiating skills need work.)

Max: (In the car) Wait, you didn’t stop.
Me: I did.
Max: I don’t feel like you did.
Me: I stopped quickly so you probably didn’t feel it.
Max: Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.
…5 minutes later…
Max: Mommy, you are really good at driving through stop signs, but not really good at stopping.

Max: I think Zoe is making gases.
Me: I didn’t hear anything.
Max: Just look at her face. That’s her making gas face.

Mommy, I need a kiss and 4 hugs. But no kissing while we are hugging.